All Posts By

Alannah Murray

0 In Social Responsibility

Climate Change: What You Need To Know And What You Can Do

To everyone else besides Donald Trump it seems abundantly clear that our planet is getting hotter and that some people *cough cough* politicians, are not doing anything to tackle it. It seems that the need for change has been left up to the younger generations of the world.

Two years ago, a 16-year-old Swedish school girl called Greta Thurnberg skipped classes each Friday to sit outside the Swedish parliament, by herself, advocating for climate change action. On Friday the 15th of march 2019 Greta was joined by more than 4 million students all around the world marching and demanding change with her. We are running out of time to make change, so the time is now. 

What you need to know about climate change. 

  1. Our actions will become irreversible in the next 11 years. 

If you are reading this chances are that climate change will not impact you too heavily in your lifetime, but in the lifetime of your children or grandchildren it will. Since the time of the industrial revolution climate change has been getting progressivily worse and we are now nearing the time that nothing can be done about it anymore. Humans have just over 11 years to rectify our wrongs. 

  1. People who still deny it are fooling themselves. 

There is an overwhelming amount of proof that climate change is real and happening. Our sea levels have risen at an astonishing rate since the ice caps have begun to melt. Countries have reached record high temperatures in the past year and we have lost over half animal species from deforestation and other harmful toxins. There is no more room for being sceptical bout the sources of proof when they are right in front of your eyes. Ignorance is not bliss in this case. 

  1. We will be the first generation to save our planet. 

Not trying to toot our own horn here but we are just the beginning of a wave of generation who will follow in our footsteps to save the planet. 

What you can do for climate change. 

Im sure you’ve heard the speech already. Turn off the lights don’t use too much water recycle. But there is much more you can do. 

  1. Cut down on red meat. 

I know it is a foolish concept to think that everyone is going to give up Christmas dinner at the click of fingers, but the meat industry is one of the biggest contributors to the rising CO2 levels in the atmosphere and by cutting down on red meat, such as steak and mince you could make a hell of difference. Did you know that if we killed humans at the same rate that we kill animals we would all be gone in 17 DAYS? All 7.7 billion of us. 

  1. Buy a reusable-products. 

Did you know one reusable water bottle (3 euro in Penney’s btw) can make up for 167 normal plastic bottles? Did you know one reusable coffee cup can make for 500 normal coffee cups? Reusable products are available everywhere and for just about everything and in the long run they will actually save you money. 

  1. Stay far away from single use plastics. 

Single use plastic are the equivalent of King Joffrey in Game of Thrones. They are the Voldemort of the Wizarding World and you should not use them. Practically useless and take years to decompose they are no good and will not be coming into th future with use. Things like plastic straws, plastic bags, cling film and plastic cups. Stay clear. 

  1. Do your best to avoid palm oil. 

This scandal being covered and hushed by the big companies that make money of chopping down the trees of the amazon at an alarming rate and extracting the palm oil for use in everyday food products that could be easily replaced by a more eco-friendly product. Not only does this kill our natural source of air by cutting down trees but it also murders numerous indigenous animals in the amazons. We have already lost half population of the orangutans. 

  1. Do the basic. 

The speech you are given still has some meaning. Turn off the lights, switch off the tap, walk or cycle instead of driving, use both sides of the paper. Turn off the tap when you brush your teeth. Simple easy things can make the biggest difference. 

Remember that we can fix climate change but we need to do it NOW. Don’t be scared. Spread the word. 

Read More: Why Our Climate Needs Saving

0 In College/ Lifestyle

How To Balance College And Your Social Life

It can be a huge adjustment from school to college and you aren’t given much time to do it. You are thrown from the clutches of the Leaving Cert and CAO madness into the abyss of college life and expecting to prevail. It can be difficult to find your ground and your routine again. Here are just a few small things to help you along the way.

Join societies and sports, even crazy ones

It doesn’t matter if you haven’t tried the sport before or have never heard of the society, join them if you are interested. Societies are where you have the most fun and make the most friends. It can be a great way to kick-start your college social life. And if you need to miss training sessions for one reason or another no one is going to kick you out. It’s an understood fact that students are busy. 

Plan ahead

Start keeping a diary, just to jot down what will be happening in the following week. It becomes apparent quite quickly that student lives can be pretty jam-packed. So, just to help you plan and make sure you make the most of your time I suggest writing it down. 

Don’t have F.O.M.O

F.O.M.O for those who don’t know is the Fear Of Missing Out. It can be a real thing when you start college, especially when you want to make and secure friendships, to want to go to everything. But just remember its college there is always another time to do things. Don’t let F.O.M.O ruin things. 

Use those connections 

People who have been in college, friends who are a year ahead of you, siblings and cousins. Anyone and everyone who in college, even if it isn’t the same one as you are, talk to them. They have the experience that you don’t, and you could get some really handy advice that you wouldn’t find in the handbook. 

Don’t do nights out before nine a.m.’s unless you plan to miss them

College is about you. No one is going to force you to go or pay attention and college is only valuable to you when you pay attention. So, if you are going to fall asleep in lectures I’d say it’s not worth it. Sometimes you have to be a grown up and say no to a night out if it’s only going to cause trouble the next day.

NAP

College will be useless if you don’t take in any of the information because your too tired, which means if you don’t understand the subjects in class you will have to study more which will mean an even bigger loss of time. You should actually make time to nap to make sure you have enough energy. 

0 In Sex & Love

The Problem With Sex Ed In Irish Schools

The Problem With Sex Ed In Irish SchoolsThere is an age-old saying that runs through the blood of the Irish that goes like “SEX IS BAD”.

It has been bestowed upon us by the catholic church who has us believe that sex is shameful and against the will of god. For girls, that if you became pregnant without marriage you had basically spit in the will of God and therefore should be shunned away. For gays, you were made out to not actually exist. And still to this day even when we have come forward so much, there is still a huge problem in the way we talk about sex and how sex ed in Irish schools is taught.

SEX ED FOR DUMMIES.

I remember the day that we all rejoiced at the sound that we would have the talk in school because it basically just meant a day off for us. I remember the lady who walked in, old, a tight bun in her head and a sharp suit on. She looked at us dead in the eye and proclaimed to us that if we ever had sex we would rot in hell.

Okay, she didn’t actually say that, but the undertone was there. We started to discuss the changes to our bodies, the vital part of growing up. Then the sex. The way it was explained was that a man and a woman who were in love and married would do the when they finally wanted to have a baby. And that was it. 

So, the problems with sex ed in Irish schools… 

1.We were only allowed have sex in this one circumstance for this one reason. 

This is an age-old way of thinking and should be done away with. It only reinforces the idea of not being able to have sex for just, I don’t know… Pleasure? Children become sceptical of the whole idea of it and don’t learn of the different reasons and possibilities of why one would have sex.

2. If you are gay, you will learn nothing. 

For anyone going through a time where they aren’t sure about themselves and their sexuality, “The talk” in school is not going to help you one little bit. Basically, if you think or know you are gay, there will be no information for you on how sex works with a man and a man or vice versa with a woman and a woman. We are only taught about relations between a man and a woman with no mention of how it works any other way and how to protect yourself from STIs.

3. There is no consent talk. 

Consent is not complicated. Everyone acts like it is something very strange and difficult to understand but it is a very straightforward concept. But it does need to be clarified, especially to young people who have only scratched the surface of the sexual world. However consent is not mentioned thoroughly in “the talk” where the basis of consensual sex lines should be set. 

4. Boys and girls are separated. 

There comes a time in every sex talk where the boys must leave the room because the girls will be talking about, heaven forbid, periods. Periods are a natural part of the life cycle something that should be taught to boys just as much as girls. Boys should not need to shy away from the idea of periods anymore, it is how they are made after all. Girls also have to leave the party when the talk goes to a specifically boys section. But most girls are going to need to know this information too at some point, so why the separation? 

The Problem With Sex Ed In Irish Schools

In real talk; we need to update how to teach young people about sex, and make it a positive experience rather than one you go home from with even more question than which you started.

One of the biggest issues with Sex Ed in Irish schools is that it’s usually done during the tail-end of Primary Schools – 11-year-olds are not sexually active. It’s when you hit your teens and start having those feelings and begin first relationships that you need more information. Most of us know the basics about the mechanics of sex, but lack awareness on contraception, diseases and the emotional side.

Although the Irish Government kept saying that they’re going to roll-out a more robust Sex Education plan, we’re not exactly holding our breaths on this one and there are a lot of you who probably need that info ASAP. So, the only thing to do is to self-educate.

Everything That You Need To Know About Contraception

0 In College/ Lifestyle/ School

CAO 101: The Guide To A Successful CAO Application

So, I know you must’ve thought that the CAO was miles away and that you had absolutely ages to get that all sorted, but in the craziness of sixth year you managed to leave it a little late and now the deadline has creeped up out of nowhere.

Well not to worry, here is the ultimate guide to having the successful, stress free application. Just remember, pick your course because you want it not because other people want it. 

Here are some tips to help you wade through the stress and confusion of the CAO application.

1.Go to open days. 

Colleges have open days through most of October and November and most colleges repeat them again in January and February, so schedule in a trip. For bigger courses like Medicine or Law they will have their own separate open days. Going to Open Days can really help you chose which college you want to go to. It’s a great chance to get the overall feel of a college and it might be easier to visualise yourself actually going to that college.

2. Process of elimination. 

Picking a course can be seriously hard, especially if don’t know what you want to do. Start by writing down your interests and your favourite subjects. Then look up college courses that resemble those choices and by process of elimination you can start to narrow them down. 

3. Read up on courses on Qualifax 

Qualifax is a very useful website that basically has all the information about any course in Ireland. It gives you the course breakdown, points needed, if there are any special requirements and more. Read about the course you’re interested in to make sure that you really understand exactly what the course is about. You may find something you might not like about the course that will turn you off it, so it’s better to know now rather than find yourself sitting in a lecture come September that leaves you going “WTF”.

4. Read CAO handbook and watch the online video. 

Not only will this make the entire CAO application process less daunting, but it will help stop you from making small mistakes in the application.  So, don’t cut corners when it comes to reading the handbook, it has all the information. Boring we know, but it’s there for a reason.

5. Give the CAO a weekend to think about. 

Don’t leave it between study breaks. You need to give it a whole weekend at least so that you know you’re making the right decision. There is no point in putting loads of effort into studying hard for exams only to come out with a course you don’t really like because you’ve made a mess of the CAO. 

6. Remember to fill as many spaces as you can in your course list. 

Each CAO year is subjective to the students that sit their Leaving Cert in that year. Course points will go up and down depending on how many people want the course. Don’t chance it and only put one course on your CAO even if you are certain you can get the points. Things can always change, so my advice would be to fill all ten of the course spaces or at least some of them. 

7. Have backups 

Don’t just fill you whole application with the exact same course from different colleges, have another choice down there. Fill in some level seven courses. Go to an interview for a PLC just in case. Have backups for your backups. Just play it safe when it comes to the CAO. 

8. Make decisions for you. 

It doesn’t matter what your parents want you to do or what your teacher tells you is the easiest route for a job. Pick your course based on what you want to study. It’s worthless spending four years in a course you don’t like; you’ll go insane. A job will come later.

9. DO NOT change your mind on what course you want after exams. 

Even if you think you out-right failed the LC, don’t take a course off because you think you won’t get it. You may do better than you think, and points may still go down. If you don’t get it your second choice will still be there, but it’ll hurt if you end up getting the points after taking your top choice off. Seriously, it would be soul destroying!

10. You Need To Get An Application In Now

And the reason we’re talking about the CAO application now is that one of the super important deadlines is quickly looming. deadline. The 1st of February is the main cut off-date. Even if you’re not 100% what in the name of God you’re doing come next September, get your name in the system. Those deadlines are there for a reason. You are not a special snowflake in the eyes of the CAO. Excuses and exceptions won’t be made just for you, so get your application in on time. If one of your course choices is on the restricted courses list you must have your application with the course on it in by the 1st of February. This is really important if you have you heart set on a medicine course.

The closing date for late applications is the 1st of May. You can read the full list of deadlines on the website.

We have a whole section on Missy.ie dedicated to the CAO application process because we obvs love it SO much! You can read up about it here.

 

Best of luck to everyone submitting a CAO application this year!

0 In Christmas/ Grief/ Wellness

How To Handle Grief At Christmas Time

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. For most people. For some it is a time of sorrow and hardships. If you’re dealing with grief, whether it’s new or old, the holidays can be really difficult.

Remember just because everyone else is happy doesn’t mean you have to be. It can be daunting while everyone around you is happy and merry to handle grief at Christmas time, so here are a few pointers.

1. Plan

You don’t need to plan to the second, but I find when you have a schedule and know what you are doing, it can help a little. You can prepare yourself for events rather than have them sprung on you unexpectedly. This way you can give yourself some breathing room.

2. Don’t force yourself 

It doesn’t matter if it is Christmas or that whats-her-face from the office will be devasted if you don’t show to the party; you don’t have to attend everything. Don’t push yourself too soon to show up at social events, especially during a time of grief. There is always next Christmas where whats-her-face will be able to burn your ear off.

3. Watch the bubbles 

If you do end up going to parties mind the amount of fancy champagne you have. Sometimes you don’t realise the feelings you have managed to bottle are still there, and all thy need are a few fancy bubbles to come up again. Just watch yourself with the drink, just so you don’t have a breakdown and have the fear in the morning. Here are some tips to stay safe on a night out.

4. Don’t fake it 

Don’t plaster a fake smile on for your teacher, your boss or your friends or even your family. Even if you think you are being strong, there is no need to cover pain. Remember a problem shared, is a problem halved. And chances are the people you talk to will feel much more empathic towards your feelings this time of year than any other.

5. Give yourself time

Whether it’s a step outside or a whole day in bed with bad movies and an abundance of ice-cream, give yourself the time you need to heal. Remember there is always next year, or even the year after that, where you will be a lot more capable of handling these things with company.

6. Enjoy the Christmas spirit

While it may be difficult, chances are the person who you will miss this Christmas would want you to enjoy it. Don’t dwell too long on things you can’t change or regrets. Try to find a balance between enjoyment and sadness. Always remember it’s okay to be sad, but Christmas can be the most warming loving time of year. Channel that energy and enjoy the joys.

7. Lastly find the balance

For some, Christmas can help with grief, for others it can be a burden on handling grief. Try to find your own middle ground between the joys of Christmas time and your own healing. Just remember to allow yourself to feel all the emotions whether happy or sad, grief or joy. They can all help to deal with grief.

Have you any tips or guidance for dealing with grief at Christmas time.

0 In Christmas

How To Save Money At Christmas Time

How To Save Money At Christmas TimeChristmas is a wonderful time of year, except when you are a broke student who can’t afford anything. But don’t fret, there are plenty of ways to save money while still being able to treat those you love and of course yourself. 

1.Get A Job

Christmas is a stressful time for those who work in retail. So, just about every retail shop need extra help around the time of joy. Many places will actually take you without much experience too. Do a round of CV dropping in big shopping centres like Jervis or Liffey Valley, chances are somewhere will hire you. Read our tips on how to get a job.

2. Use That Student Discount

People know that it isn’t easy for us to earn a lot while we study, so there will be massive student discounts on nearly everywhere. so, be on the lookout. Always ask when buying something if they have a student discount because in the long run it will save you billions. Find out about the best student discounts.

3. Presents Don’t Always Have To Be Something Physical

You can offer to do a free babysitting gig for your younger siblings, or even for your cousins as a present. It doesn’t sound like much but to them it means they can have a night out without worry. For neighbours you can walk their dogs or help with odd jobs. Not something you can hold in your hand, but still very valuable and thoughtful. 

4. Get Budget Friendly Presents

I’m not saying be a cheap-skate and get people second-hand sheets, but Penneys and McCauley’s do great Christmas time presents, usually sets of soaps or mugs with hot chocolate in them. They are small, meaningful and don’t burn a hole in your pocket. 

5. Days Out Are Presents 

For friends and family, days out with you can be like presents. Promise them that you will go out for a movie or for some food sometime in a card. It doesn’t cost you the world and it also gives you some wiggle room to get some extra cash before this day out happens. 

6. Grandparents Love Homemade Things

You don’t have to be Michelangelo to make a nice card for your granny or granddad. They love it because it came from your heart and you love it because it didn’t end up costing anything. 

7. Never Underestimate The Power of The Sales

A little tip, once Christmas is over the whole world seems to go into crazy sale mode. January is the best time to get some small presents that are cheap as hell and put them away in the attic until next year. It may seem strange, but believe me if you want to save money this is a great way to go about it. 

Have you any tips to save money at Christmas time?

0 In Lifestyle

6 Reasons Why Being A Feminist Is A Good Thing

Feminism by definition, is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. So, prior to what you may think, this article is for women and men, just like feminism is.

I’ve had my own personal experiences where people have had ill-conceived notions of what feminism means. Once a friend told me that I “shouldn’t be a feminist because boys wouldn’t find me attractive”. And time I heard one of my male friends say “Man, you can’t be feminist; that’s only for girls”.

But here are the reasons that being a feminist is a good thing, no matter your gender.

1. You are not a one-image feminist. 

Yes, you can wear makeup. You can still smile. Yes, you can still wear pink! And yes, you can think and speak about other things other than feminism. There are loads of misconceptions of what being a feminist means, so it’s understandable some people have trouble with admitting they are feminists. But these stereotypes do not have to apply to you by wanting equal rights. So, makeup and smiles for all.

2. Saying you’re a feminist, is not saying you hate men. 

There is a stigma out there, that if you are feminist you automatically hate men. Now I’m highly doubting that the male feminists wake up each morning proclaiming to the world that they hate themselves. Or that the female feminists go around chanting that they hate all men in their lives. We would actually be contradicting ourselves, as feminists to say that they hate men. I mean it would be pretty difficult to get equal rights between genders, if we actually hated one of the genders. Just sayin’!

3. Feminists aren’t crazed cat ladies moaning about man-sized tissues. 

These days there are so many prejudices about what feminist look like. People try to belittle the movement for equality by painting a negative, archaic stereotypes in our minds about crazy women complaining about men all the time. A feminist is a person, man or woman, who believes and will fight for equality. Simple as that. 

4. Wanting equal rights is actually the most attractive thing you can do. 

Girls, wanting to have equal chances, jobs and rights, IS attractive. Having ambitions in life, having goals for yourself and wanting to go just as far as your male friends is amazingly attractive. Anyone who says otherwise needs to realise that they are about 100 years behind the new world and also probably need some guidance from you to get a bit of cop on.

5. The equal rights works on both sides. 

Boys, saying that you want equal rights for both genders does not make you less of a man. Anyone who says otherwise is again probably stuck in the last century and just needs to be caught up on the last few years. Feminism is not just for girls in any way, shape or form. Saying you are a feminist makes you very attractive to a lot of us. 

6. Being a feminist makes sense on so many levels. 

There are endless amounts of problems in the world. Problems that affect everyone. Too many to mention. But how are we planning on fixing them if only half the population are invited to participate? Feminism will actually speed along the development in the world because we will have more minds to the problems. That’s just logical sense. 

The moral of the story is that we should all be feminists and aspire to be badass women!

0 In Relationships/ Sex & Love

What To Know Before Dating A Girl Who’s Close With Her Mam

FYI: you *might* just want to leave this article open so that the boy casually sees it…

Guilty as charged, my mam is definitely one of my best friends, and I’m sure I’m not the only unjust call us the Gilmore Girls! So, here is a little heads up if you are about to get serious with a girl who is very close with her mam. 

 

Things have to be planned in advance, because they will have to check with mam. 

Even at the older ages, we girls who love our mammies, always check with them when we go out. It’s not even permission anymore, it’s just a letting them know type thing. It makes us feel better when our mams know what we are doing. 

Decisions will be made with advice from mam. 

Mother knows best. That is the golden rule. It isn’t an insult to you, but if you suggest something we will probably need to consult with our mams before we give the final decision. 

Our mams know everything about you. 

Fair warning, we talk to our mams about everything. Small and large everything is discussed with mam. All boy interests included. They are just the best listeners. So, if you end up meeting our mams, chances are they already know everything about you and what you are going to say. 

Being friendly with your mam matters to us. 

It’s not a deal breaker, but the way to treat your mam matters to us. It influences our decision on what we think of you. We love a mammy’s boy. So having a good relationship with your mam is actually seriously attractive to us. 

Their mams, are basically the over protective dads. 

They will scrutinize you, hard. They will make sure that you are a good match for us. After all no one knows us better than our mams. So, be prepared for some over protective dad stuff, but from our mams. 

Have you any advice for dating a girl who’s close with her Mam?

0 In Friendship

Signs That Your Best Friend Is Your Soul Mate

It can be a task and a half trying to find a soul mate within your lifetime, but what you may not know is that you have already found them and they could be right under your nose. Marriage is technically like a life-long friendship contract. So, your best friend may just be the soul mate you have been looking for without the romantic complications.

Here are some signs that your best friend is your soul mate…

 

1. Secrets don’t exist with you two. 

“But you can’t tell anyone” Of course that person doesn’t know that your best friend does not fit into that list of ‘anyone’. If you have a secret, whether it is yours or not, however big or small, your best friend will definitely know ASAP. 

2. Inside jokes, basically your own language at this point. 

Ever get stuck in that fit of giggles with your best friend and no one around you understands why the hell you’re laughing? That’s because no one else can possibly attempt to comprehend the very long list of inside jokes that you two have built up over the years. It’s close to being another language. 

3. You don’t judge each other on past mishaps. 

Sure, you can take the mickey out of them from time to time, but when it comes to the more serious mistakes there will be no judging from either one of you. Basically you both know where the line is. 

4. Boundaries, be gone

You are completely comfortable with one and other, boundaries just aren’t a thing at all. You don’t mind getting changed in front of them, no more running to the bathroom to get into pj’s. There’s just zero awkwardness.

5. You don’t compete. 

They say the secret to a good friendship is the same taste in drink and different taste in men. So you two have it sorted, you don’t fight each other over boys, it’s just an absolute no-no. The friendship is more important. 

6. You can hang out and do practically nothing. 

There is no such thing as wasted time with your best friend, even if you spent the whole time on your phones doing nothing. It will still count as hanging out.

7. You can be completely honest. 

A best friend wouldn’t let the other go out in a dress that fits her in all the wrong ways. Even at the expense of some feelings. You can be honest with each about what you really think, without anyone getting actually hurt. 

8. You can spend time apart and nothing will change. 

In fact you and your best friend need time apart sometimes, just like everyone else does, but when you come back together nothing has changed. 

9. You know how to cheer them up, in any situation. 

You will know whether it is a tea and a chat type thing and tell me everything, or a let’s eat all the chocolate EVER type scenario and pretend like it didn’t happen. Either way, you will always know what’s best for your bestie.

10. You’re each other’s wing women. 

The guy in the corner is staring at you? Not a problem, your bestie has you sorted. She’ll leave if needs be, or come back to save you if he turns out to be creepy. 

Having a bestie who gets you on every level and who truly has your back is a very special thing. Make sure that you nurture it and never take it for granted.

Did any of these signs make you think of your bestie? Let us know in the comments below or Tweet us!

0 In Grief/ Wellness

How To Cope With A Grandparent Passing Away

How To Cope With A Grandparent Passing Away

Grandparents. They are so much more than just grandparents; they’re the people you go when you’re mad at your parents. They are the people you go to when your parents are mad at you; cuddle up with them as they tell their children not to yell at you. They’re that piece of money shoved in your hand when you’re saying goodbye and no one else is looking. The extra Christmas present under the tree. That last scoop of ice cream that your mam said you couldn’t have. As people say “You’re in your granny’s”.

So saying goodbye, is hard and unfair. Often losing a grandparent is the first time we’re confronted with grief and loss. And it can be a difficult time to navigate.

I won’t give you the five stages of grief here, just ways to make a grandparent passing away a tiny little bit easier to process.

Stage one; The passing. 

1. Cry. 

It has to be done. Whether you cry watching the soaps, or haven’t shed a tear since the time your last baby tooth fell out, you have to cry. It’s imperative in helping you come to terms with their death and this means it can be hard. When you cry, you make it real. You make their death real. So, people are reluctant, naturally. But not crying only bottles it up, until you later explode. Better to cry comfortably, than head-bomb later on. 

2. You are allowed to be sad. 

This one is majorly important. Just because they weren’t your parent or your sibling, this does not mean you have to put on a brave face for those around you. You were close to them in a way no one else was. You don’t need to be the shoulder to cry on all the time and you have every right to be just as upset. Some people might not be particularly close to their own grandparents and might not understand the sheer level of your grief. That’s on them, not you.

 

How To Cope With A Grandparent Passing Away

Stage two; The funeral. 

1. You don’t have to serve sandwiches and smile. 

Irish funeral are known to be good fun. Laughing and reminiscing about past time, and sometimes getting a small bit tipsy. But it’s always easier said than done. As a grandchild, you will be hugged, cheek pulled, and told by many people, that you look so grown up. You can ditch this by stepping outside, leaving for a while. Get some air, if you need it. Don’t pretend to be okay. People will understand. 

2. Talking to others, will however, make you feel better. 

Surprisingly hearing stories about your grandparent from others perspective is one of the nicest things you can hear. How they lived in the eyes of others. Even stories about other people, maybe family members who you haven’t seen in a while can be good. Whether you use it as a distraction or as coping mechanism, talking to family members and friends is a good idea. 

 

How To Cope With A Grandparent Passing Away

Stage three; The rest 

1.Talk. 

This stage can be the hardest because after the craziness of the funeral, things finally start to quiet down. Which is when you have a load of time on your hands. A lot of time to think. This is where random memories flood in and can make you very upset. This can be anywhere from the week after the funeral, to a year later. No matter how long afterwards, your sadness is still relevant. So, talk. Talk about your grandparent, talk about those memories. To anyone. Don’t think anyone will understand? Write it down. Journal it. Get the feelings all out. Don’t allow yourself to suppress them. 

2. Find your own quirks to cope. 

You’re never too busy for a cry. Make the time to recover. Listen to their songs, go over their stories. Sorting through their things can be a real recovery tool. Find your own way to cope with them being gone. Keeping one small thing of theirs, like a necklace, a ring. Or in my experience, trying on a heinous 80s dress that belonged to my grandmother and putting on a fashion show for my family. 

3. Moving on. 

I’m not saying you throw away the memories and never think of them again. But moving on is important. People move on in many ways and you will have to find your own way to do so, but you can move on while remembering them. Just remember that pain is temporary, you will not be sad forever. 

Have you any guidance to give those dealing with a grandparent passing away?

0 In Friendship

Signs That You’re In A Toxic Friendship

Friendships can be even more complicated than relationships, especially when your friend is secretly putting you down. The red flags are there, just a lot harder to spot. You might even convince yourself that this friendship is working, but let me tell you a secret; friendship is a two-way street, there needs to be some equalities in there. 

Here are some signs that you may be caught in a toxic friendship…

You can never ever, ever get a word in. 

This one is sneaky, as it can be hidden under the famous ‘gift of the gab’. “Oh yeah my friend could talk the hind legs off a donkey”, but not being able to speak during a conversation is different from having a chatty friend. You need to be heard too. Usually you only notice it when you get back from seeing them and you realise you didn’t say two words the whole time you were together

And, when you do get a word in, they’re not listening.

Blame it on phones and social media all you want, but the hard truth is that if your friend can’t pay attention when you are speaking it’s because they just don’t care enough. And they don’t care enough because they’re not the focus of the conversation. 

Your problems aren’t problems.

Their lives are always full of drama. Always. They will make your problems out to be minuscule; less important or not important at all. They’ll toss them aside a lot. Sometimes they’ll even weigh up the issues against each other, theirs ultimately always winning. 

Their opinion is always right. 

On the off-chance they do listen to you, their opinion is always the best way to go, according to them. It doesn’t matter about context, people, feelings or the part of the conversation they missed out on because they were too busy with something else, the opinion they give might as well be a God send. 

The green-eyed monster is real. 

When you have something they don’t, when you achieve something they don’t, when you accomplish anything they don’t – they turn sour. It can be as small as not smiling at you, but because it’s not them, they’re not happy. They can’t ever just be happy for you. There is always some other reason you got what you did. You were lucky, you just knew the right people. These things could be true, yet they will only say them to make themselves feel better. 

You do the reaching, unless of course they need something. 

You don’t know how but you always find yourself texting first, planning things, asking to meet up. Until they need to vent or borrow a jacket you own. 

Their “jokes” aren’t funny. 

Again this can be a serious trait being hidden in plain sight. Having playful banter between friends is always good, but there is actually a fine line between banter and just plain mean. And if you listen closely their comments are over that line. They can be these small snide comments, but they chip away at your confidence. 

They aren’t there for you. 

They say you find out who your true friends are when you are going through a tough time. It’s true. You will notice a sudden lack of them as soon as you need them.

These mini red pins can be tricky to see, but when you spot them you know it is time to get out of the bad friendship, for your sake. 

Read More: The Meaning of True Friendship