Browsing Category

Relationships

0 In Relationships/ Sex & Love

The Dos And Don’ts of Being In Your First Relationship

The Dos And Don'ts of Having Your First Relationship

Being in your first relationship is a huge milestone in life. Don’t worry, everyone reaches it at a different point. But it can be a lot; here’s some tips to try help you keep a level head.

Don’t Drop Your Friends

You swear that you won’t be “that girl”, but it happens easier than you would think. And hey, we get it. You’ve found someone who you really like and you want to spend all of your free time with them, but don’t forget about your friends. Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go, but you always need your friends. Make sure that you make time for your friends regularly and for the love of God don’t spend all of your time with them obsessing over your BF/GF.

Do Tell Your Parents

Yes, there is a certain level of mortification talking about your love life with your parental unit (is this an Irish thing?), but you need to be up-front and tell them. Yes, they might embarrass the hell out of you, but it’s important that they know about this big change in your life. By keeping it a secret they’ll worry and won’t be impressed. Also, nothing worse than been spotted with you new love someone by who’s going to rat you out and in Ireland this will always happen!

Don’t Splash It All Over Social Media

It’s tempting to want to tell everyone about your new lurve, but do a Beyoncé on it and keep it private. Although we all hope that we’ve found “the one” on the first try, the reality is that maybe you haven’t. And that’s ok. But if it doesn’t work out there’s nothing worse than having to change your Facebook status and remove all mention of them from your social media. Maybe putting up the date of your anniversary 2 days in isn’t a great ideas either?!

Do Ee Yourself

Through nerves and anxiety it’s easy to turn yourself into someone else just by constantly saying yes and not wanting to disagree on anything, but don’t change your likes and dislikes for anyone. Don’t be afraid to say that you don’t really want to go to the cinema to see that movie or that you really like that band. Be yourself. They obviously liked you to begin with for who you are, so don’t go changin’.

Don’t Feel Pressured

Being in your first relationship is exciting and a big deal, but don’t feel that you ever have to do something that you don’t want to do at any point in the relationship. Sex is a big deal and it’s way too early to even be considering it at the very start of your first relationship. So, if it’s on your new partners mind, but you’re not ready, you have every right to say no. And if pressure starts to be applied, it’s time to make them an ex.

Have you any tips you wish you could tell you younger-self about being in your first relationship?

Read More: 5 Ways To Get Over A Break Up

0 In Relationships/ Sex & Love

What To Know Before Dating A Girl Who’s Close With Her Mam

FYI: you *might* just want to leave this article open so that the boy casually sees it…

Guilty as charged, my mam is definitely one of my best friends, and I’m sure I’m not the only unjust call us the Gilmore Girls! So, here is a little heads up if you are about to get serious with a girl who is very close with her mam. 

 

Things have to be planned in advance, because they will have to check with mam. 

Even at the older ages, we girls who love our mammies, always check with them when we go out. It’s not even permission anymore, it’s just a letting them know type thing. It makes us feel better when our mams know what we are doing. 

Decisions will be made with advice from mam. 

Mother knows best. That is the golden rule. It isn’t an insult to you, but if you suggest something we will probably need to consult with our mams before we give the final decision. 

Our mams know everything about you. 

Fair warning, we talk to our mams about everything. Small and large everything is discussed with mam. All boy interests included. They are just the best listeners. So, if you end up meeting our mams, chances are they already know everything about you and what you are going to say. 

Being friendly with your mam matters to us. 

It’s not a deal breaker, but the way to treat your mam matters to us. It influences our decision on what we think of you. We love a mammy’s boy. So having a good relationship with your mam is actually seriously attractive to us. 

Their mams, are basically the over protective dads. 

They will scrutinize you, hard. They will make sure that you are a good match for us. After all no one knows us better than our mams. So, be prepared for some over protective dad stuff, but from our mams. 

Have you any advice for dating a girl who’s close with her Mam?

0 In Relationships/ Sex & Love

We Need To Stop “Shipping” Toxic Relationships

We Need To Stop "Shipping" Toxic Relationships

Have you ever realised just how often we’re forced to normalise Toxic Relationships onscreen? I didn’t -until recently that is. And once I started to think about it, it really annoyed me.

We recently chatted about the ways that TV Shows Distorted Our Expectations Of Secondary School and and it got me thinking about how some TV shows and movies are just so problematic in their portrayal of relationships. The more I thought about it the more I realised that toxic relationships are often idealised on screens. And worse, we’re actually manipulated into rooting for the couple – or “shipping” them – as is the term these days.

Here are some of the fictional relationships that we really should have dumped…

We Need To Stop "Shipping" Toxic Relationships

Run, Bella, run!

Twilight

I know that 10 years on Twilight isn’t that big of a deal anymore, but trust me when I say it was HUGE at the time. This is definitely another example of a movie you would have been obsessed with in the 00’s. But I’m sure you’ve probably seen the movies at some point in your existence. Twilight was the original movie that kicked off all this “shipping” and you were either Team Edward or Team Jacob.

The problem is there really shouldn’t have been a Team Edward at all. Edward spends most of his time trying to influence and control Bella. Whereas Jacob is happy to let her be as she is. And guess who she choses in the end? There’s also the huge metaphor in Twilight in that Bella had to change (become an undead vampire, no less!) in order to be with Edward. You should never have to change who you are to be with someone.

One of the major plot lines in the series was Edward trying to stop Bella from seeing her best friend because he was “worried about her”. That’s not protective, it’s possessive.  There’s a huge difference between “text me when you’re home safe” or “do you want me to collect you?” to being followed to events that you are not invited to (girls nights) or throwing a fit about your significant other doing something without you. Women should be allowed go, do, say what they want.

We Need To Stop "Shipping" Toxic Relationships

“You’re not a bad boy, you’re just a bad person”.

Gossip Girl

I should have been working on commission for Gossip Girl because I got so many of my friends watching it. I even wrote about it for Missy! But I recently watched it again and it honestly really disturbed me.

The Problem With Chuck Bass

Chuck was supposed to be the boy bad who we grew to love. But a quick watch of the very first episode of Gossip Girl and you see just how problematic Chuck is.

In the space of one episode he proclaims that Nate is entitled to “tap that ass” when talking about Blair. No one is ever entitled to sex. Ever. And when referring to Serena he says that “there’s something wrong with that level of perfection, it needs to be violated”. The language used by Chuck, and by extension the writers, is appalling and perpetuates rape culture. Lest we not forget that Chuck tried to force himself on Serena and then delivers the line, “your life is over slut”. And oh yeah, he rounds off the pilot by trying to rape a 14-year old Jenny Humphrey. Someone reading this who has never seen Gossip Girl is probably wondering what they hell is this show? We kid you not. These were actually major plotlines in the series.

Originally Chuck wasn’t supposed to be a main character, but after his off-the-chart chemistry with Leighton Meester the writers decided to throw them together to become Chair. Chuck and Blair should have their own place in the Toxic Relationships Hall of Fame.

A Bad Romance

The thing is, Chuck treated Blair so awfully, but she just kept coming back for more and even married him. And the writers tied-up their toxic relationship into some epic love story. It was messed up. Anytime she tried to express how she felt (in true Blair Waldorf take-down form!) Chuck responded by being even worse instead of listening to her. He then traded her for a hotel, like she was his possession and got angry when she had the cheek to be upset about it.

Now, I know TV series have to create drama and that couples just can’t have a nice happy time (why oh why?) but Chuck and Blairs toxic relationship was not a healthy one. It’s worrying to think that girls may experience this in real life relationships and think its normal. It’s not. Gossip Girl sends out an awful message to viewers.

 

Toxic Relationships Shouldn’t Be Shipped

Being fed these toxic relationships makes it harder for viewers to recognise troubling behaviour in their own relationships. The message sent out is that if you put up with this type of behaviour you will be rewarded with a happily ever after in the end. In reality that doesn’t happen and toxic relationships can be dangerous and damaging.

We get that drama is needed in tv shows and movies, but it shouldn’t be in the form of emotional abuse towards women. Toxic Relationships should never be rationalised or normalised. Even Friends is problematic when it comes to how it portrays relationships. Need convincing? Sit back and read this thread on Twitter.

 

Are we over thinking this or do you think that movies and TV shows glamorize toxic relationships? Let us know in the comments below.

0 In Debs/ Relationships

How To Pick A Debs Date: From Going Solo To Group Dates

Debs season can often cause a bit of panic when asked the question “so… who are you taking to the debs?” Our advice is first and foremost not to panic. We here at Missy have all the options you can take as your date for the night!

Go With… Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend

If you have a significant other it’s probably best to ask them to the debs as your first option. Hurt feelings will only cause unnecessary drama. While your friends might want you to go with them, go with what you want and ask your significant other if you want to. It’s your night too, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice who you’d like to go with.

Go With… A Group Of Friends

How To Pick A Debs Date: From Going Solo To Group Dates

Don’t fret if you’re a single gal, the debs isn’t all about finding one person to go with. If you and a group of friends don’t want to bother with asking someone to the debs, go with one another! What sounds better than partying the night away with your besties?? If a group hang doesn’t pan out and you still need a date, why not ask one of your friends from another school to go?

Go With… Yourself

How To Pick A Debs Date: From Going Solo To Group Dates

Don’t be afraid to assert your independence and head to the debs solo. It’s 2018 after all, and why it may seem daunting going by yourself means you don’t have to worry about anyone else. You also save a few bob by not having to pay for your date’s ticket!

Go With… The Person You Like

How To Pick A Debs Date: From Going Solo To Group Dates

Your debs is probably the last time you’re going to be with your class. That means it may also be your last opportunity to bite the bullet and ask the person you’ve had a crush on since 1st year! Honesty is the best policy when it comes to asking someone out, so be open, clearly communicate what you’re looking for, and make lots of eye contact.

Go With… A Blind Date

How To Pick A Debs Date: From Going Solo To Group Dates

If you’re feeling a little adventurous ask a friend if they know anyone who might be a suitable debs date. Don’t go into it completely blind and maybe arrange to meet them a week or so in advance, just to ensure you’ll get on.

Does the idea of trying to find a debs date make you panic? Let us know in the comments below!

Find out more about our FREE Debs Guide now!

0 In Friendship/ Girl Talk/ Lifestyle/ Relationships/ Wellness

5 Questions That Will Change Your Life

5 Questions That Will Change Your Life

If you think a Insta Model body or a BF is your one-way ticket to internal happiness, it’s time to get some serious perspective. Answer these questions honestly and they might just change your life!

 

1. Will Being Thin Really Make Me Happy?

If you’re frantically nodding your head right now, you could be in trouble. It’s easy to think your life would be perfect if only you were taller/shorter, blonder, more tan…but the reality is that looking “good” is no guarantee that you’ll feel confident. Spoiler: “beautiful” people have problems too.

Happiness comes from within and beauty really is only skin deep. Think about it. Do you seriously think that celebrities and Insta Models don’t have problems? Just one look at their Twitter mentions will prove that it’s not all plain sailing for them either. You wouldn’t think it to look at her, but Lily Reinhart has admitted that she suffers a lot from anxiety, depression and is very insecure about her skin. You never know what is going on inside someone else’s head, no matter what they may look like on the outside.

Is theres’ something about your body that you’d like to change, ask yourself “why“? Everyone has bits that they don’t like, but instead of stressing about them why not draw up a list of things that you do like about yourself and probably take for granted? Read over it whenever you feel down. And don’t forget that real girls aren’t perfect and perfect girls aren’t real. You’re unique and that’s what makes you pretty damn special.

 

2. Is Having A Boyfriend Really Important?

When you’re single, it can feel like everyone in the world is coupled-up (seriously, what is it with all these super quick celeb engagements?) while you’re left as the Bridget Jones of your gang. But if you think that you need to be in a relationship to be truly happy, you could be suffering from low self-esteem, especially if you’re willing to date some randomer who you’re not that into.

When you’re single you can spend as much time with your friends as you like, get to keep every weekend open for spontaneous adventures and you can say you’re an Independent Woman. When you really think about it, are you really desperate to lose all of those things? It’s normal to want to be in a secure and loving relationship, but being one of those girls who simply can’t fly solo means you’ll never feel whole unless you’re someone else’s other half. And that’s just not healthy, or much fun. When you find someone who you are truly meant to be with, you’ll know. But there’s no point in forcing a relationship just for the sake of it. And it’s an even worse idea to think that having a boyfriend will solve all of your problems, it might just create them.

Now, all the single ladies, put your hands up!

 

3. Am I A Good Friend?

Who do you rely on? Think about them right now and ask yourself can they say the same about you? Are you guilty of not being there for your friends when they need you, even-though they provide a first-rate counselling service to you? If you’re the type of person who drops friends like hot potatoes once someone else comes along, you really need to start evaluating how you treat people. Everyone needs friends and as you go through life you’ll find that you rely more and more on a core group of friends. But friendship is a two-way street and they need the effort. And in order to be deserving of good friends, you need to be a great friend in return.

If you’ve just realised that you haven’t been the best friends lately there’s no need to get down about it. Instead, get everyone around foe Netflix and chill night and make sure that they know how much they all mean to you.

 

4. Am I A Nightmare To Live With?

You probably don’t give your home life a second thought, but maybe it’s time that you do. When you’re a child, your parents are obliged to care for you and they don’t really expect any thanks for it, but now that you’re well on your way to adulthood it’s time to re-evaluate your living situation. Does your mum still make all your meals? Does she still wash your clothes and change your sheets too? Instead of talking all that hotel-style help for granted, why not give back every once in a while?

It could be something as simple as offering to vacuum the living room or washing up after the Sunday lunch, neither of which will take yo too much time or effort.

Think about how your parents and siblings view you. We all get a bit short-tempered at time, but if you’re constantly starting arguments and throwing diva fits over the slightest thing, it might be time to re-evaluate your attitude. Make an effort to be kinder and more patient with your ‘rents. Ever get scolded for having “a tone“? Maybe try improve on that. Because even if your family drives you spare at times, they still love you endlessly and are only trying to do their best. So, check the attitude at the front door and help out a bit more. Say thank you to your parents and appreciate them a bit more.

 

5. Am I Reaching My Full Potential?

Think of how frustrating it must be for your teachers and parents if they see you coast along without really, whole-heartedly trying. It’s not that they’re “always on your case”. They care about you and want to see you do well and reach your full-potential.

If you ever scraped a C after not studying for a test, imagine what you cod achieve with a bit more effort?

Instead of shrugging it off, the next time someone tells you to believe you can do something, LISTEN UP for a change. Whether it’s in school, sport or with your family and friends – you have the potential to be the best, if only you’d trust yourself. Don’t let that voice inside you that tells you that you can’t do something. Or that you’re too tired. Or you’ve done the bare minimum – it’s grand, take over. Aim for the stars – and the sky’s the limit.

0 In Relationships/ Sex & Love

5 Ways To Get Over A Breakup

A breakup isn’t an easy thing to go through, whether you’re the “dumper or the dumpee.” But, it’s important to remember all things happen for a reason. While you may have been head over heels, it wasn’t meant to be, and the person for you is out there somewhere, you’ve just gotta be patient! However, there’s nothing wrong with having a little cry, it’s important to mourn, that way you’re in the best place to recover!

     1. Block Them on ALL Social Media

Seeing their name pop up in your newsfeed or seeing a selfie on your Insta feed after a breakup can be hard. We suggest hitting that block and/or unfollow button asap. They might get offended but it’s whats best for you that counts. A total detox is important in a break up. 

      2. Don’t Text Them 

After a breakup you can feel a bit lonely. You’re no longer texting 24/7, and suddenly you’re faced with watching the 3 seasons left in the show you were watching together by yourself. It’s important to realise that this is perfectly ok. It’s important to spend time with yourself and not become dependent on other people for amusement. So, no matter how much you crave their company, do not pick up the phone. Go for a walk and listen to some Dua Lipa! 

      3.Wallow 

Now we’re not talking enter a never ending state of self-pity, but it’s important to have a good wallow after a breakup. Fire on some Gilmore Girls, throw on your sweats, grab a hot water bottle, and a bucket of ice cream with some chocolate on the side, and wallow. As we said, it is important to mourn the relationship in order to move on in a healthy way. 

     4. Exercise 

Once you’ve had your wallow it’s time to focus on staying healthy. Both your mental and physical health are important to take care of after a breakup. If you’re a bit angry after the breakup, channel that anger into something productive, take up kickboxing or running. Push yourself. Your body releases endorphins when we exercise so it’s a great natural way to promote happiness. Just don’t over do it… 

     5. “Let’s be friends” 

If your ex suggests to stay friends after you breakup, and that’s something that you’re really not comfortable with, then politely say no. You shouldn’t feel obliged to stay friends just because you were once in a relationship. For most, a clean break is the best way to go, and that’s perfectly ok. What you want is important,there’s no need to please them just for the sake of it. Best to be honest from the off set!