When you’re in love, everything is great and wonderful.
There are suddenly no problems in the world or in the person you are in love with. But love can make you blind to flaws sometimes and it is very hard to see past these as you never want to fault that person.
But sometimes we have to listen to that gut feeling or little voice telling us something is wrong. Here are some of the red flags to look out for in relationships that might be disguised as something else…
‘Oh yeah, they’re just really protective of me’
Hearing this sentence should be a red flag, but a lot of the time being possessive is played off as being protective. There is a difference in wanting to protect a partner from the harsh things in the world and not letting a partner experience the world. You are your own person, who should be able to stand on their own two feet without your significant. When someone plays being possessive and limit your experiences and pass it off as being protective, it’s a red flag.
‘They just always want to make sure I’m okay’
Making sure someone gets home safely is different from constantly checking up on a person throughout the day. Being a possessive person is covered in the lies of being caring and attentive. A partner should not need you to validate them constantly throughout the day. When you find yourself excusing this action by saying that they are caring and attentive, it’s a red flag.
‘They just get worried that I will do something’
Being worried that your partner will not remain loyal to you is a natural worry and of course, you may need reassurance sometimes. But when it comes to constant blaming and accusing rather than wanting some reassurance there is a problem. For any relationship to work there has to be trust, without it there will be no relationship. If you find yourself constantly defending yourself against accusations, it’s a red flag.
‘They just like being alone with me’
In a relationship, there will always need to be time for just the two of you. However, when you find yourself cancelling plans with friends or seeing more of your partners’ friends than your own, there begins to be a problem. Your partner wanting to spend time with you and your partner not wanting you to spend time with other people are two very different things and should not be seen as endearing, it’s a huge red flag in any relationship.
‘They just like when I do things this way’
There is no excuse for being controlling in a relationship. There is no ownership in a relationship; no one signed a contract. Anyone can like things a certain way, but the minute it impedes on you as a person there is an issue. Being controlled in a relationship can easily be overlooked as a partner merely being particular or being themselves, but it is a red flag.
Red flags can be hard to spot in relationships, and even harder to acknowledge. Try explaining the actions to someone else. When you hear yourself say this out loud you sometimes realise that it is much worse than you thought.
Respect is always paramount in a relationship.
If you have been affected by this article you can reach out to Women’s Aid.