Dear Missy: I’m not sure I’m ready to have sex
Dear Missy,
I’m really embarrassed writing this, but I feel like I have no one else to talk to about this. My boyfriend and I have started discussing the idea of us having sex. He wants to, but I’m not sure that I’m ready. He’s not pressuring me at all but I just don’t know how I actually feel about it.
Dear Not Sure,
First of all, I’m so glad you felt like you could reach out—there’s absolutely no need to feel embarrassed! These feelings are completely normal, and it’s really important to talk about them. The fact that you’re having an open conversation with your boyfriend about this shows a lot of maturity on both your parts, which is great!
Having sex for the first time can be an exciting and scary thing, and it’s completely normal to feel unsure. The most important thing is how you feel. If you’re not sure you’re ready, that’s okay! There’s no rush, and you should never feel like you have to do something just because you’re in a relationship or because it’s “expected.”
Also, don’t feel like you have to jump straight in at the deep end and go all the way. You can take things at your own pace, exploring what feels good and comfortable for both of you. Having a partner who’s patient and understanding of your wants and needs is key. It’s really good to hear that he’s not pressuring you, but keep the conversation open about what feels right for you.
Some other things to keep in mind:
- The age of consent in Ireland is 17, so make sure you’re both at an age where you can legally make this decision.
- Safe sex is super important to prevent pregnancy and STIs. If and when you do decide to take that step, make sure you’re prepared with protection, like condoms.
At the end of the day, trust your instincts. If you’re not 100% sure, that’s a sign to wait. Your feelings are valid, and it’s so important that you feel comfortable and confident in whatever decision you make. Take your time, and keep talking with your boyfriend—it sounds like he’ll understand that this is a big step, and he’ll support you in making the decision that’s best for you.
– Missy x