When You Don’t Feel Like You Fit In…And How to Handle It
This is what I wish I knew then…
Let’s just say it: not feeling like you fit in sucks. Whether it’s in school, a friend group, a team, or even your own family – feeling out of place can make you question everything. Like, is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Spoiler: it’s not you, it’s just life being confusing and sometimes kinda mean.
Here’s what I wish someone had told me when I was in that phase of not fitting in – and how you can deal if you’re feeling the same.
First: You’re Not Weird, You’re Just Different (and That’s a Good Thing)
When everyone seems to be into the same music, dressing the same, and laughing at inside jokes you don’t get, it’s easy to feel like the odd one out. But honestly? Being different isn’t a flaw. It’s literally your superpower. The world doesn’t need more copies – it needs people who think differently, see things differently, and bring something new to the table. That’s you.
Why It Happens
Not fitting in doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Sometimes it’s just about timing. You might not have found “your people” yet. Sometimes it’s about the environment – maybe the vibe just isn’t right for who you are (and that’s okay too). Sometimes people bond over stuff you don’t really care about, and you’re left wondering if you’re supposed to fake it just to belong. (You’re not.)
What Not to Do
Don’t change yourself to make other people like you. It’s tempting, I know. But dimming your light to fit into someone else’s version of “cool” only makes you feel worse long-term.
Don’t isolate yourself completely. Even if you feel like you don’t belong right now, that doesn’t mean you never will. Keep showing up for yourself. Join the club. Try the thing. Keep looking for places that feel like home.
What To Do
1. Find your thing. Whether it’s books, K-pop, coding, art, makeup, baking, Taylor Swift deep dives – whatever it is, lean into it. Your passions will help you connect with people who get you.
2. Build your confidence from the inside out. When you know who you are, it matters less what other people think. Journaling, reading, therapy (if you have access), listening to people who inspire you – it all helps.
3. Connect online if you need to. Sometimes your people aren’t in your school or town – and that’s what the internet is for. Obviously, stay safe online, but don’t be afraid to find your tribe through hobbies, fan accounts, or creative spaces.
4. Talk about it. Whether it’s with someone at home, a school counsellor, or even writing to Dear Missy, sharing how you feel makes a massive difference. You don’t have to carry it all alone.
A Little Reminder from Me to You
Some of the coolest, kindest, most successful people didn’t fit in at school either. They were too “quiet,” too “weird,” too “different.” And now? They’re thriving because of that.
So if you’re feeling a bit lost, please know this: your people are out there. The ones who’ll love you for exactly who you are. You just haven’t met all of them yet.
Until then, you’ve got us.
Love,
Missy
Let’s talk about it over on Instagram @missy.ie or drop a dilemma to Dear Missy – we always have time for you.