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Making The First Move Will Change Your Life

Making The First Move Will Change Your Life

Tessa Ndjonkou

Often as women we’re discouraged from making the first move when we’re interest in someone. We’re shamed into remaining passive in our dating lives for fear of rejection or going against the unwritten rules of femininity. 

For me, there came a point when I got tired of letting the people I liked pass me by. Not because I was particularly shy, but because I was simply afraid. It wasn’t about impatience or desperation, but really just annoyance. As of 2022, I started actively putting myself out there and my dating life changed for the better. Yours can too. Here’s how making the first move can change everything for you…

You’re helping dismantle casual patriarchy

The society we all live under is a patriarchy, which means that most social, economical and cultural power is upheld by men. Under a patriarchal structure, we all suffer (though women and other gender minorities suffer the most). As patriarchy constructs our lives it also regulates the rules of courtship we follow. When you defy those norms and make the first move in your dating life, you’re removing a tiny stone that upholds the system of patriarchy. At the end of the day, men are just people. They get shy and they get nervous too. But they also like to feel desired and appreciated for who they are. Don’t be afraid to take the weight of initiative off their hands when you feel like it. 

Consider what you really have to lose

Although most advice on making the first move in dating tries to tell you that you have nothing to lose by asking your crush out. That might not always be true, at least not in the moment. Secondary school was not that long ago for me and I remember it vividly enough to know that I was too vulnerable to deal with rejection had I asked my crush out. My advice is this; choose your moment wisely. Feel the terrain first before you make the leap. Try catching their eye, smiling, or walking up to them just like you would a new friend and compliment them on something. 

I would also suggest that it’s best to do it when they’re alone. Whether or not we mean to do it, we act differently when we’re surrounded and their response might be more of a reflection of how they feel their group would feel than how they feel. 

It’ll improve your confidence and your ability to connect

For most things in life, you never know what you can do until you have. Once you’ve passed that first hurdle, it’ll only become easier. The point is to not give up and keep practicing. Whether the end goal is finding someone you’d like to date, going up to people you find interesting to strike up a conversation is actually a life skill that’s really worth developing.

Similarly being met with rejection and accepting graciously is a necessary part of life. Embrace it and move on. Improving your confidence and ability to make new friends will make your life much easier outside of school and take you places you couldn’t have imagined, regardless of your relationship status.

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You create the dating life you need and deserve

Real life isn’t Bridgerton. And as much as I adore the Netflix show, I’m extremely grateful for that. Instead of waiting for love and connections to happen to me and me having to stand idle until then, I get to create the dating life I want and figure out what I want based on trial and error. It’s important to reframe the question of “Do they like me ?” into “Do I like them ?”. It’ll be for the best. Trust me. 

If none of my advice has convinced you, at least do it for the plot. 

Literally. The pandemic was an especially weird time where the time went by extremely fast but somehow excruciatingly slowly. Some of us have missed out on pivotal experiences in our young-adult life. Now’s the time to reclaim them. If all else fails, you make the first move and the consequences of your action make for an entertaining story to tell your friends or siblings. 

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