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Friendship

0 In Friendship

Signs That You’re In A Toxic Friendship

Friendships can be even more complicated than relationships, especially when your friend is secretly putting you down. The red flags are there, just a lot harder to spot. You might even convince yourself that this friendship is working, but let me tell you a secret; friendship is a two-way street, there needs to be some equalities in there. 

Here are some signs that you may be caught in a toxic friendship…

You can never ever, ever get a word in. 

This one is sneaky, as it can be hidden under the famous ‘gift of the gab’. “Oh yeah my friend could talk the hind legs off a donkey”, but not being able to speak during a conversation is different from having a chatty friend. You need to be heard too. Usually you only notice it when you get back from seeing them and you realise you didn’t say two words the whole time you were together

And, when you do get a word in, they’re not listening.

Blame it on phones and social media all you want, but the hard truth is that if your friend can’t pay attention when you are speaking it’s because they just don’t care enough. And they don’t care enough because they’re not the focus of the conversation. 

Your problems aren’t problems.

Their lives are always full of drama. Always. They will make your problems out to be minuscule; less important or not important at all. They’ll toss them aside a lot. Sometimes they’ll even weigh up the issues against each other, theirs ultimately always winning. 

Their opinion is always right. 

On the off-chance they do listen to you, their opinion is always the best way to go, according to them. It doesn’t matter about context, people, feelings or the part of the conversation they missed out on because they were too busy with something else, the opinion they give might as well be a God send. 

The green-eyed monster is real. 

When you have something they don’t, when you achieve something they don’t, when you accomplish anything they don’t – they turn sour. It can be as small as not smiling at you, but because it’s not them, they’re not happy. They can’t ever just be happy for you. There is always some other reason you got what you did. You were lucky, you just knew the right people. These things could be true, yet they will only say them to make themselves feel better. 

You do the reaching, unless of course they need something. 

You don’t know how but you always find yourself texting first, planning things, asking to meet up. Until they need to vent or borrow a jacket you own. 

Their “jokes” aren’t funny. 

Again this can be a serious trait being hidden in plain sight. Having playful banter between friends is always good, but there is actually a fine line between banter and just plain mean. And if you listen closely their comments are over that line. They can be these small snide comments, but they chip away at your confidence. 

They aren’t there for you. 

They say you find out who your true friends are when you are going through a tough time. It’s true. You will notice a sudden lack of them as soon as you need them.

These mini red pins can be tricky to see, but when you spot them you know it is time to get out of the bad friendship, for your sake. 

Read More: The Meaning of True Friendship 

0 In Debs

How To Have A Great Debs

How To Have A Great Debs

You’ve spent what feels like a lifetime waiting for this night and now it’s finally here!

You have the dress sorted, your hairstyle picked out and you’re happy with your date situation. Now it’s time to just enjoy the night. Here’s how to have a great Debs…

 

Be Organised

Have everything planned out and organised before the day of the Debs rolls around. Have all of your makeup, accessories, underwear etc. set aside and ready to go. Pack your handbag in advance so you’re not running around like a headless chicken as the car waits for you. If you’re OCD about being organised (us to!!) have a “run through” the week before. Try on the dress and make sure that you have everything you might need to ensure that there are no issues with the dress or your accessories. The early bird may catch the worm, but the organised gal has a great Debs!

Check out our free downloadable Missy Debs Magazine for your Debs Check List to make sure that you have everything covered!

 

Realise It’s Not The Be All, End All

The Debs can be great craic, but don’t hinge the rest of your life on it. You have so many nights out and college balls ahead of you. It’s not your wedding and at the end of the day the whole idea of the Debs is to celebrate finishing school and surviving the Leaving Cert. It’s also the last time that you and all of your classmates will ever be together again (sob!). Enjoy the night and just go with the flow. You’ll find that if you go in with zero expectations you’ll have a great time.

 

No More Drama

There’s always dramatics when you throw a few hundred people into one room. Don’t get dragged into anyone else’s drama or bitching. There will always be those who try to make themselves the centre of attention or drag people down because they’re unhappy. Avoid it all. Smile and nod and then get yourself out of the situation ASAP. The Debs slips away in the blink of an eye, so don’t wast any time on negativity or bitching about people who you will struggle to remember in a few years.

 

Pace Yourself

You’ve spent all this time planning this night, so it would be great if you could actually remember it in the morning. Don’t be that girl who has to be carried out before 12am. Have a light meal in the afternoon before you ramp up the preparations, that way you’re not drinking on an empty stomach. Pace yourself throughout the evening by drinking water along with your poison of choice. Don’t forget to give our tips on how to stay safe on a night out a read in advance!

Have you any tips on how to have a great Debs? Let us know in the comments!

0 In Friendship/ Girl Talk/ Lifestyle/ Relationships/ Wellness

5 Questions That Will Change Your Life

5 Questions That Will Change Your Life

If you think a Insta Model body or a BF is your one-way ticket to internal happiness, it’s time to get some serious perspective. Answer these questions honestly and they might just change your life!

 

1. Will Being Thin Really Make Me Happy?

If you’re frantically nodding your head right now, you could be in trouble. It’s easy to think your life would be perfect if only you were taller/shorter, blonder, more tan…but the reality is that looking “good” is no guarantee that you’ll feel confident. Spoiler: “beautiful” people have problems too.

Happiness comes from within and beauty really is only skin deep. Think about it. Do you seriously think that celebrities and Insta Models don’t have problems? Just one look at their Twitter mentions will prove that it’s not all plain sailing for them either. You wouldn’t think it to look at her, but Lily Reinhart has admitted that she suffers a lot from anxiety, depression and is very insecure about her skin. You never know what is going on inside someone else’s head, no matter what they may look like on the outside.

Is theres’ something about your body that you’d like to change, ask yourself “why“? Everyone has bits that they don’t like, but instead of stressing about them why not draw up a list of things that you do like about yourself and probably take for granted? Read over it whenever you feel down. And don’t forget that real girls aren’t perfect and perfect girls aren’t real. You’re unique and that’s what makes you pretty damn special.

 

2. Is Having A Boyfriend Really Important?

When you’re single, it can feel like everyone in the world is coupled-up (seriously, what is it with all these super quick celeb engagements?) while you’re left as the Bridget Jones of your gang. But if you think that you need to be in a relationship to be truly happy, you could be suffering from low self-esteem, especially if you’re willing to date some randomer who you’re not that into.

When you’re single you can spend as much time with your friends as you like, get to keep every weekend open for spontaneous adventures and you can say you’re an Independent Woman. When you really think about it, are you really desperate to lose all of those things? It’s normal to want to be in a secure and loving relationship, but being one of those girls who simply can’t fly solo means you’ll never feel whole unless you’re someone else’s other half. And that’s just not healthy, or much fun. When you find someone who you are truly meant to be with, you’ll know. But there’s no point in forcing a relationship just for the sake of it. And it’s an even worse idea to think that having a boyfriend will solve all of your problems, it might just create them.

Now, all the single ladies, put your hands up!

 

3. Am I A Good Friend?

Who do you rely on? Think about them right now and ask yourself can they say the same about you? Are you guilty of not being there for your friends when they need you, even-though they provide a first-rate counselling service to you? If you’re the type of person who drops friends like hot potatoes once someone else comes along, you really need to start evaluating how you treat people. Everyone needs friends and as you go through life you’ll find that you rely more and more on a core group of friends. But friendship is a two-way street and they need the effort. And in order to be deserving of good friends, you need to be a great friend in return.

If you’ve just realised that you haven’t been the best friends lately there’s no need to get down about it. Instead, get everyone around foe Netflix and chill night and make sure that they know how much they all mean to you.

 

4. Am I A Nightmare To Live With?

You probably don’t give your home life a second thought, but maybe it’s time that you do. When you’re a child, your parents are obliged to care for you and they don’t really expect any thanks for it, but now that you’re well on your way to adulthood it’s time to re-evaluate your living situation. Does your mum still make all your meals? Does she still wash your clothes and change your sheets too? Instead of talking all that hotel-style help for granted, why not give back every once in a while?

It could be something as simple as offering to vacuum the living room or washing up after the Sunday lunch, neither of which will take yo too much time or effort.

Think about how your parents and siblings view you. We all get a bit short-tempered at time, but if you’re constantly starting arguments and throwing diva fits over the slightest thing, it might be time to re-evaluate your attitude. Make an effort to be kinder and more patient with your ‘rents. Ever get scolded for having “a tone“? Maybe try improve on that. Because even if your family drives you spare at times, they still love you endlessly and are only trying to do their best. So, check the attitude at the front door and help out a bit more. Say thank you to your parents and appreciate them a bit more.

 

5. Am I Reaching My Full Potential?

Think of how frustrating it must be for your teachers and parents if they see you coast along without really, whole-heartedly trying. It’s not that they’re “always on your case”. They care about you and want to see you do well and reach your full-potential.

If you ever scraped a C after not studying for a test, imagine what you cod achieve with a bit more effort?

Instead of shrugging it off, the next time someone tells you to believe you can do something, LISTEN UP for a change. Whether it’s in school, sport or with your family and friends – you have the potential to be the best, if only you’d trust yourself. Don’t let that voice inside you that tells you that you can’t do something. Or that you’re too tired. Or you’ve done the bare minimum – it’s grand, take over. Aim for the stars – and the sky’s the limit.

0 In Lifestyle/ School

How To Have The Best End Of Year EVER!

You made it! We bet you thought this day would never come! In one way September feels like two seconds ago (we launched Missy on the 1st of September!). But at the same time it feels like an eternity ago. But alas, the school year is FINALLY over! And we are so ready to say hello to Summer!

Here’s how to finish the school year on a high-note to make sure that you have the best end of year EVER!!

Study For Those Exams!

Yes, sorry to be dull, but put in that extra work now and you will be so glad you did! There’s nothing like the dread of your school report card arriving home to put a dampener on your summer. Do yourself and the parental unit proud by putting in the work for the next 2 weeks. If you need some help in the study department check out our top tips to better!

And if you are studying like a mad women take breaks and be kind to yourself. Balance is key.

 

End On A Positive Note

Try make amends with anyone who you might be on the outs with. That teacher who you just can’t seem to jell with? Make a big effort to be present in mind and body during class and go out of your way to be polite and pleasant – although we’ve sure that you always are anyway! Chances are you might just have the same teacher again next year, so putting in some effort now to dazzle them will go along way. Also, teachers talk!

If things aren’t great between you and a friend try smooth things out before the holidays begin. 3 months is a long time. And what started out as a small disagreement can grow during the summer through disconnecting unintentionally. Mend your fences now. It will also ensure that your other friends don’t feel totally awkward for the summer and that no one is left out of awesome plans.

 

Be Organised

Don’t leave any last minutes jobs until the last day of school. Don’t be that person running around like a headless chicken on the last day. Make sure that your locker is cleaned well before the last day. Try bring home everything bit by bit so it’s not a mammoth task.

Sort out your books and make sure that you have everything that you’re supposed to and that you don’t accidentally have someone elses book! Nothing worse than realising that you’re missing that copy of Macbeth come September. We know these tasks are super basic and boring but getting them out-of-the-way sooner rather than later will unsure that you can soak up the fun atmosphere during the last days of school.

Make Plans Now

It’s easy to let the summer pass you by with the best of intentions of doing lots. But before you know it you’re sitting back in that classroom in September wishing you had made the most of your summer. Make plans with your friends now. Take a look at websites such as ticketmaster.ie and eventbrite.ie to see if there are any cool events happening over the summer. Also check out to see if there are any festivals or events taking place in your local area. We will be sharing our ultimate summer bucket list in June so make sure that you check back for it! And we’re just going to put this out there – there MIGHT be a Missy event happening during the summer so keep your eyes peeled!

Enjoy The Moment

If you’re still struggling with your confidence it can be hard to just enjoy yourself when everyone else is buzzing for the end of year. Make an effort to join in conversations and if your friends are taking our advice above make sure that you let them know that you would like to join in.

Hop into those pictures even if you hate having your photo taken. Trust us, you’ll regret not having these memories to look back on and share in the years to come. It’s a total lie that school is the best years of your life, but when the end of year rolls around there is a definite excitement in the air and they can be some of the funniest memories that you have of school. Enjoy the monet. You’ve earned it.

Are you doing anything exciting to make the end of year?

0 In Friendship

What Is The True Meaning Of Friendship?

I’m going to talk about friendship. Real, true, friendship. You might think the people you see everyday in class, go to lunch with, or text constantly are your best friends. That might very well be true, but who are they? What do they know about you? How do they make you feel? Do you tell them your deepest, darkest secrets? Or are you afraid of how they might react?

That Don’t Impress Me Much

If you are trying to impress your friends, then they are not friends. If you are trying to monitor your behaviour or change who you are because you don’t know how your friends will react, they’re not your real friends.

Friendship is something that’s based on respect and support. If you don’t respect someone, you can’t trust them or befriend them. Of course, there are things that you will not want to associate with your friends, like if they are doing something illegal or morally wrong. That’s okay, but the important thing is that you feel comfortable voicing your concerns.

As we grow up, our friendship dynamics change. Chances are, you don’t see your friend everyday in class, or you don’t live around the corner from each other anymore. Maybe they’ve emigrated. Maybe they live on the opposite side of the world in a timezone that makes it nighttime when you’re waking up. Maybe you don’t talk all day, every day.

Think about how it feels when you see your friend after a long time. Is it awkward? Do you feel like you need to make small talk because you don’t know what to say any more?

Does your friend only talk about themselves? Do you struggle to tell them how you feel? Do they care how you feel? These are hugely important things, and they are the things that will make or break your friendship. Friendship is a two-way street, it involves give and take – be supported and supporting someone.

I’ll Be There For You

Friends come and go, but the friends that you keep are those who support you, whom you feel comfortable around and who you can rely on when times are tough. If you’re feeling down and depressed, or have been through a breakup, who do you turn to? Those who you know you can turn to are those who are your closest friends. They do not judge, they support you and they are there for you no matter what.

This is what true friendship is. It’s not how many photos you’re tagged in together on social media. It’s not how many texts are in your WhatsApp chat. It’s not how many hours you spend chatting over tea and lunch. It’s how you feel when you’re in a crisis and just need a shoulder to cry on. That’s how you know.

To read more by Michelle check out her blog speckyscribbler.com or her past articles on Missy.