Dear Missy: I constantly compare myself to others
I started a new school a few months ago, I’ve made a really nice new group of friends and I’m super grateful for them. This probably sounds really stupid but I constantly compare myself to others. Not in a jealous/envious sort of way, but more as a “Why do I not look a certain way” type of thing. I guess I can get really self conscious about my body at times, which isn’t healthy and causes me to miss out on alot of events and results in me spending alot less time with my friends and family due to this. I think it started a year or two ago when I found out a boy in my class started making comments about it to others, which I found out from a friend. I am wondering if you have any advice? Xx
Dear Comparison Queen,
Firstly, thank you for sharing how you feel—it’s not easy to talk about these kinds of things, but it’s so important. Starting a new school and making friends is a big change in itself, and it’s amazing that you’ve already built such a nice group around you.
Comparing ourselves to others is something so many of us do without even realising. It’s not silly at all; we all have moments of feeling like we don’t measure up, especially when it comes to looks or body image. The world around us—social media, TV, even the people we know—can make it seem like there’s a certain way we “should” look. But the truth is, there’s no one right way to be or look, and there is definitely no “better” version of you out there than the one you already are.
It sounds like the comment that boy made hurt a lot, and that’s totally understandable. Comments like that can linger and can make us feel like we need to hide away or avoid situations where we feel self-conscious. But try to remember, what he said reflects more about him than about you. People who criticise or judge others often do it to mask their own insecurities.
Here are a few tips that might help:
- Start With Self-Compassion: Try to be as kind to yourself as you would to a close friend. You’d never tell your friend they’re not “enough,” so don’t say that to yourself either. Remind yourself that you’re still growing and that you’re allowed to feel how you do without judgment.
- Be Present With Friends: Try to keep enjoying time with your friends without worrying too much about how you look. Think of the things they bring out in you and how they make you laugh or feel understood. They chose to spend time with you because of who you are, not because of how you look.
- Limit Comparison Triggers: If there are people on social media that make you feel less than or fuel comparisons, consider muting or unfollowing them. Instead, fill your feed with people and content that make you feel inspired, happy, or positive.
- Shift Your Focus: It can be helpful to write down three things about yourself each day that you like. This can be anything, like how you helped someone out, a skill you’re improving, or even something kind you said to yourself. Building confidence in these small ways helps create a kinder, more positive view of yourself over time.
- Reach Out When You Need To: Talking to your family or a trusted friend when you’re feeling low can help you feel supported. You don’t have to carry these feelings alone, and sharing can sometimes help put things in perspective.
Self-acceptance is a journey, and you don’t have to have it all figured out straight away. The fact that you’re reaching out shows you’re already on the right path. You’ve got this, and with time, you’ll realise that you’re worthy of feeling happy, included, and confident in your own skin.
With love,
Missy xx