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Dear Missy: I’m not sure that I want to go to my Debs

Dear Missy: I’m not sure that I want to go to my Debs

Team Missy

Dear Missy,

I have to be totally honest with someone – I’m really not sure that I want to go to my debs. It was always something that I guess I kinda looked forward to, but now that it’s coming up I think I’d rather do anything but go. My friends are so excited about and my family keep asking me all about it, but everytime someone brings it up I get so panicky.

Part of the reason I don’t want to go is I don’t have a date, all the rest of my friends do. And I’m also still really nervous because of the pandemic. I spent most of the last 18 months really limiting my contacts due to a family member being high-risk and the idea of being around so many people, even though everyone is vaccinated, is still stressing me out. I’m not good in crowds any more. But most of all, I’m afraid that if I don’t go people will think I’m weird and judge me.

What should I do?

-Z xx


Hi Z,

I think it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable if you don’t want to go to your debs. The debs is hyped up to be this big night, but I think most people would say it’s mediocre at best. The debs is the night that you make it, but if you think that you’ll go and be miserable is there really a point in going to all that cost and emotional stress?

I will say, if it’s the date thing that’s really putting you off, don’t let it. It’s really weird how we’re expected to have a date for the debs, it’s fine to go on your own. In fact, I think with hindsight a lot of people would say that they wished that they had went on their own instead of dealing with a disaster date or a randomer who they didn’t know.

If you’re not sure about going on your own maybe think about having a platonic friend to go with you. We have an article here about all the different debs date options.

I would also advise that you speak to your friends and family about your feelings. It’s ok it not be super excited about it and just to view it as another night out. Hiding your feelings is never good and it only ends up weighing on you more.

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The debs brings out a lot of pressure to spend money, to have a date and to look and act a certain way, it’s ok to do things the way that you want to in order to enjoy the evening. Remove those pressures to conform to the traditional idea of debs and see how you really feel then. If you think you can somehow make it a good night on your own terms, I’d advise going to see what happens. You never know, you might end up having a surprisingly good time. And if you don’t, leave early. You can just slip out and head home. I will also say, it’s far easier to regret the things we didn’t do, rather than the things we did.

But, if you truly feel in your heart and soul that the debs isn’t for you, don’t go, it’s just a fancy and expensive night out. Life is too short to be miserable, even for an evening.

Good luck!


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