I’m in third year now but i haven’t had any friends since second year. i talk to some girls in class but all my old friends have done stuff that i can’t really get past. i feel like i’m missing out on major life experiences like getting ready with people for discos because i don’t really talk to anyone. i’m going into TY next year but i’m worried i still won’t be able to talk to people then. i don’t play sports so nobody in my year really knows me. i’m sick of arguing about it with my mam and i’m also not overly looking forward to spending another summer with just my parents as i am an only child. do you have any tips on how i can make friends before next year?
Firstly, I’m sorry that your past friends did something to upset you; you were right to move on from them. It’s important to prioritise quality, trustworthy and healthy friendships rather than have people who negativity impact you.
Being outgoing and making new friends is something that comes easily to lots of people, but others really struggle with it. In fact many people do, we’ve regularly got this issue sent into We’re All Friends Here – so you’re not alone in this.
You need to be prepared to get out of your comfort zone and be uncomfortable. New friends are not going to come knocking on your door. That means making an effort to talk to new people and putting yourself out there. You also need to be prepared for a few false starts and not instantly connecting with someone – it takes a while to find a worthwhile friend who you actually connect with, so don’t take it personally if you don’t feel an instant friendship connection with someone.
Next, you need to put a plan of action in place – how are you going to get out there and meet people? Why not try organise something over the summer with the girls who you do talk to in your class? Make an effort to keep in touch with them as well – you can easily do this on social media without too much stress.
You’re not into sport, me either, but is there anything else in your school that you could join? Or maybe something in your community? A book club? Drama club? Any volunteering opportunities? Or can you start something yourself ? Make it your mission this summer to identify something that you have an interest in and join it. There are lots of different classes running for teens specifically during the summer, like dance or pilates, so see if something interests you or try out something completely new. It will give you something to do over the summer as well.
Also, TY is going to be a great opportunity for you. There’s lots of different activities and events going on and new experiences. You may even find that you connect with someone in your class who you haven’t bonded with before. So go into TY with an open and positive mindset. Maybe even as part of TY you could approach your coordinator and try come up with an idea for a new club for people to join? Running something would give you a great confidence boost and it’s a great way to be more assertive and get to know people.
We’ve perviously done an article about making new friends, so do give that a read.
I’ll also say again that you’re not alone in this and a lot of people struggle with connecting with people, there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it can also take time to build up friendships.
Good luck and keep us updated on your progress!x