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So you’re in a relationship? Remember not to lose yourself!

So you’re in a relationship? Remember not to lose yourself!

Caoimhe Mahon

All too often it happens someone gets in a relationship and whoosh like magic they are gone. Friends slip off the face of the earth and whilst we are so happy for them to have found someone we can’t help but feel sad at the same time for losing that friendship.

Now, I know this isn’t the case for everyone. I have friends who are in relationships and who are still very much their own person, they make time for other people in their lives and get the balance.

You see, a relationship is not just a romantic relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend. No, relationships come in all shapes and sizes. They are the relationships you have with your parents, siblings and friends. For me, all relationships are important, they are all wanted and all needed.

Our lives are very busy and it can be hard to juggle everything at once but making time for yourself, family, friends and romantic partners are all equally important and crucial.

So you’ve changed? Well, we liked you before.

We all grow, change and develop. That’s great! You should be cheerleading for your friends as they progress and move through life. What is not great though is when you lose yourself for a relationship.

All too often people stop doing what they love to do whether it’s a gym session with your friend, weekly coffee dates with you sister or evening dinner with your parents.

We’ve all heard this before, ‘I’ll ask him/her and see what they say?’

This has always blown my mind. I mean, they are your partner not your keeper. You should not have to consult them before going out or change what would have been a normal weekly thing to now has to become a monthly designated ‘girls night.’

No thank you, forget that!

They are a new chapter in your life. They are there to enhance it, add to it but not remove what was there before.

Time, Time and Time Again

Balance is so important in every aspect of life and a relationship is no different.

Getting balance to be with family, to be with friends, to be with your partner and to just be with yourself.

Plan things in the week, make sure you are investing in all your forms of relationships. Planning means you will get everything done that needs to be done but you will have created time for everything you want and the people you want too.

Put the shoe on the other foot

In both situations try and put the shoe on the other foot.

Try to think how you would feel if someone you loved, relied on and invested in all of a sudden shut you down for a relationship.

You would start to question your value, importance and worth in that relationship.

If this person is a loved one don’t make them feel like this. Would you like it?

Let’s just talk it out

Sounds obvious right? Well sometimes chatting things out and being brutally honest can be really tough.

You want to be supportive and be happy for your friend. Of course you do. You want to hear about everything and be that person for them.

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So what do you do when you need to approach the topic but don’t want it to come across wrong.

Be empathetic and sensitive. They are your friend so there is trust, honesty and respect already there so build upon that and utilise it for the conversation.

If you are on the receiving end, try to understand and listen to what is truly being said.

Who wouldn’t want amazing people in their life? Just remember each and everyone has value and bring something to your life.

Enjoy your relationship, have that romantic partner and share your happiness with those around you.

But continue all those amazing other relationships too, including the one you have with yourself.

So, don’t become someone else just because you are in a relationship.

Have you been guilty of losing yourself in relationship before? Or have you watched a friend lose themselves in a relationship at the expense of your friendship?

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